Well.
Lofty goal of a post a day well and truly knackered now, I have been thoroughly shamed by my friend over here who has already made about as many posts as me in half the time. Thanks, person-who-appears-to-wish-to-remain-anonymous, thanks a bloody bunch.
I’ve been on this internet for bloody years, you know. I’ve had blogs aplenty – I’ve even written over on www.tatp.org some as well, but now you come along, with your ginger face and your “actually writing something regularly” and show me up in front of the internet. Have you MET the internet? They’re a right malicious bunch of bastards.
You want to talk about easter? I’ll talk about easter – do you know how many eggs I got? One (thanks Em!). One flipping egg. I know I’m a grown up but still – I talked to someone that I used to work with yesterday and they had five. FIVE. I don’t want to go down to the supermarket and buy myself a whole bunch of eggs, but you’re driving me to it, internet! DRIVING. ME. TO. IT.
What else has she talked about that I can steal? Oh, spending money. You want spending money? I got all kinds of spending money. I bought a goddamned HOUSE (Note for pedants: not a DVD box set or, indeed, Hugh Laurie). How’s THAT for spending money, internet? Huh? How you like that? I now have four walls and all the mortar I can eat and if I want to drill a hole in the wall? I can drill it wherever I want. No permission needed. How do you like THEM apples, internet? I bet you’re still in rented accomodation and have to ask permission before you even get cable installed (I have cable installed – no permission needed). I also spent money on various house moving type things like:
- A van (rented)
Ok, that’s all I really paid for, but shut up – it’s spending money. She wrote about spending money and you liked THAT didn’t you, internet?
What else, what else… oh, she went on a date. Well I… um… moving on….
You know what? I don’t have to prove myself to you, internet. If you like that girl better, you just go ahead and keep reading her goddamned blog. I’m going back to playing Resident Evil 5 and swearing at it.
Screw you, internet. I’m going home.
